Forgetting Jacob Black
by Simply Kiwi
Summary: What I think The ending of Breaking Dawn should have been. Forget Nessie, forget the cookie-cutter ending, forget all the happiness of the ending. Well... some of it. This is what happens when Bella's memory begins to fade. oneshot


**This is what I believe Breaking Dawn should have resulted in. The book was just "alright" for me. I didn't hate it, yet I was disappointed. Bella got off **_**way **_**too easy, if you ask me. Here is a much more fair approach, in my opinion.**

**Reviews would be ah-mazing.**

**The song is "I Will Remember You" by Sara McLachlan**

* * *

_Remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one_

It had been the hardest year of my life.

I don't think I will be able to forget the way that it felt, not even if I live another thousand years. The constant thirst, the utter helplessness; it was almost too much to bear. I often felt as if something else had taken over my body, like an alien had commandeered my mind and I was forced into the dark corners of my brain, shuddering as I witnessed a monster running around in my body.

The thirst took over everything. I couldn't feel anything else for _months._ The thirst had clouded my every thought, my every feeling, even the words that I spoke. Even Edward was hardly a comfort to me, which scared me more than anything else. I had _become_ Thirst. It was all of me. And Thirst didn't care about Edward Cullen. I no longer thrilled when Edward touched me. His voice was no longer soothing. There was only one thing that soothed Thirst.

Blood. Blood, blood, blood. That was the only thing that I could think of for months upon months. It was only the last three that I was able to _think. _I'll never forget the look on Edward's face the day that I started getting better. For the first time since I had been human, I looked at him – really, truly _looked_ at him, gooey, starry eyed and all. I walked into a room and smiled at him, and the joy in his eyes was truly priceless. I could not imagine how he had felt in those lonely months. He must have been hurting so badly. The moment that smile graced my lips, he practically tackled me and covered my face in kisses. The delight in his face when I actually _laughed_ will be etched into my mind for eternity.

Eternity. The thought made me smile. We had that now. Finally.

I felt Edward's eyes glance towards my face the moment my lips tilted upward. He must have noticed my face brighten out of the corner of his eye.

"What are you thinking of?" he asked, and the question made my smile grow. If he had asked me that merely a month ago, there would have been only one available answer. Then again, I highly doubt that we would be sitting as we were, calmly watching the sun rise a month ago. Not only that, but Thirst certainly wouldn't have even heard him speak.

I sighed peacefully and snuggled into him. The hanging bench rocked slightly as I moved. "I'm thinking of you, of course," I replied, and his arm tightened around my shoulders. I felt his lips softly touch the top of my head. "I'm thinking about all the time that we have ahead of us."

"Ah, yes," he said, his voice a mere whisper. "You and I have all the time in the world. Every single day is ours, Bella, yours and mine. Until the day the sun refuses to rise, I will be right here." He pulled me closer to him and kissed my head again. "And so will you."

I grinned and looked up into his eyes. "That is all I could ever ask for."

Edward kissed me then, pulling me onto his lap. At that moment, I felt bad for my human self. Breathing was _so _overrated. When I eventually pulled away, both of us were grinning like fools. My eyes widened when I realized that Edward's sharp teeth were not the only thing shining. I jumped to my feet in surprise when I saw that _my skin_ was sparkling, sending rays of light against the house behind Edward. I knew that this would happen, of course, Edward had warned me before we came to watch the sun rise, and I did vaguely remember seeing this once before, in a human memory that I could not quite place. However, to see my _own _skin doing such a thing was, in a word, shocking.

As I stood on the deck, I automatically lifted my hand to my face. I examined its texture carefully, as if I were trying to point out the individual diamonds that seemed to adorn my skin. I felt Edward's eyes watching me as I did so, but that didn't distract me in the least. My hand ran across my own arm as I tried to feel some difference in its texture. However, it was just as smooth and perfect as always. My eyes went to Edward's smiling, sparkling face. He was so beautiful in the sun, even more godlike than he did in the shade. It made him seem even more imaginary. Oh, how perfect he was. I wondered if I looked as fascinating as he did, or if I looked silly in the light. I looked back down at my arm and once again lifted it to my face, examining it carefully once more.

"You look positively radiant," he told me, his voice quiet. "How strange it is. I've seen my own skin glisten many times, but I have never been able to see the beauty of it as I do now." He paused, smiling his crooked grin. "Or, perhaps it is just you."

I chuckled, thrilled that I could no longer blush. I returned to my seat by his side, and my head fell to his shoulder. "No," I said, glancing up at his face. "It certainly is not just me."

We lapsed into silence again then, and I turned my head to look back at the rising sun. It was a beautiful day already; especially for Portland. Usually when the sun rose, it would automatically sink behind the clouds. Today, it seemed that the clouds were completely absent. I wondered briefly how long that would last.

We didn't speak for a long time. However, a question bubbled to my lips after a while. It was one that I had been meaning to ask for several days, but never found the appropriate moment to ask. I took a deep breath before I opened my mouth, hoping that I wouldn't regret it.

"Who is Jacob Black?"

To my surprise, a loud gasp escaped the lips above my head. I pulled away to look at Edward's expression, and he looked positively shocked. He was speechless as he stared at me, searching my face with wide eyes. I stared blankly back at him, clueless as to why he was so alarmed. When he saw that I was serious, his jaw dropped ever so slightly.

I was alarmed. "What? What's wrong?" Obviously, I was missing some very important information here.

Edward's face did not change. "You don't remember Jacob Black?" he asked, sounding as stunned as he looked.

"I don't remember _much,_" I admitted, looking down at my hands. "If I close my eyes"—and I did so, as I said it—"I can see his face. Big, dark eyes, russet skin, and the largest, most beautiful smile that I've ever seen . . . not that I've seen very many that I can recall. I can vaguely recollect his voice. And I remember . . . I remember loving him _very_ much." My eyes snapped open as I stared at Edward in confusion. "I—I still do."

Edward was speechless as he gaped at me.

"Edward?" I whispered.

He simply shook his head. "Of all the people that you should remember," he whispered in disbelief. He seemed to be talking to himself, not me. "I swore that you would remember him . . . We all can remember the most important people of our past. Not everything, of course, but at least the basics, who they were, how we met . . . How could she not remember him?"

"Edward?"

"Perhaps the memory is too painful," he reasoned, his voice quiet. As a human, I would not have been able to hear him at all. "Perhaps she blocked it out . . ."

"Blocked _what _out, Edward?"

He looked back at me, his eyes wide. Had he forgotten I was there? He looked away again, back at the sunrise. He seemed to be stalling.

"It can't be that bad, can it?"

Edward took a deep breath. "About a year after we met, there was a bit of a . . . well, an accident. It was a horrible mistake. Entirely my fault." He looked down at his hands, avoiding my eyes. "And someone in my family . . . nearly killed you."

I tried to hide my shock at what he was telling me. I had a hard time swallowing the fact that a member of my family would ever hurt me. But I pushed my own feelings on the matter to the back of my mind. I would question what, exactly, had occurred later on. The memory seemed to be painful for him to talk about. _His _distress was much more important to me.

I took one of his hands in mine, trying to comfort him. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face in response.

"It's okay, Edward," I assured him. "Just tell me what happened."

He sighed and tightened his grip on my hand. "I was so scared for you after that. I couldn't stand the idea that you had come so close to . . ."—he couldn't say the word—". . . in my home, by the hands of someone in my family. It was bad enough that James had nearly taken you from me just a few months earlier . . ."

I nodded. He had told me all about James just the other day. _That _had been painful for him too, but this seemed worse. So much worse.

"I couldn't bear it," he explained. "I was going mad thinking about all of the ways that I could hurt you. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I _had _to protect you. I saw _no_ other option."

He stopped, looking away. Stalling again.

"What did you _do, _Edward?" My voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"I left."

I couldn't help it. I gasped. Those two little words seemed to make the earth shake beneath me. _He left me?_ I couldn't imagine what that would be like. Just the mere _thought _of it was painful. How did I live with him gone from me? I could hardly stand being away from him to spend a day alone with Alice. To have him leave me behind entirely? Tell me he was to be gone from me forever? I struggled to breathe. Not that I really had to, anyway.

The pain must have been clear on my face, because Edward's hands were on my shoulders in an instant. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Bella," he said. "I wanted was what was best for you, and that clearly was not me. I was the last thing that you needed in your life."—He was doing that thing again, where he spoke incredibly fast. As a vampire, it was so much easier for me to understand. I didn't have to concentrate intently to grasp his words, like I used to—"I was nothing but dangerous for you. I could not live with the idea of you being hurt because of my presence in your life. You must understand how much I loved you, Bella – how much I still do. If you were to leave this earth, especially if it was because of me . . . Bella, I would not be able to go on. You must believe me when I say that I would have never left you if I thought I had another option."

I nodded mutely. I did not trust my voice.

He watched me as I controlled my expression. "Bella," he said quietly. His hands dropped from my shoulders and into my lap. His large hands wrapped around my much daintier ones. "Please tell me that you understand." His voice seemed afraid, as if he feared that I would not be able to forgive him the second time around. I nearly rolled my eyes at the thought. As if.

"You're here now," I said, meeting his eyes. "That is all that matters."

There was no use arguing over something that had happened several years ago. There was no way that it would happen again, now that he could no longer hurt me. I saw no point in pushing something that was now insignificant.

"So, that's when I met Jacob?" I asked, shocked at where my thoughts were leading me. "I fell in love with him after you left me?" I was surprised at how casually I said the words.

Edward seemed surprised, too. "Yes. Jacob put you back together, after I left," he explained. "When I said goodbye to you,"—He seemed to shudder at the thought—"I hurt you so deeply, Bella. I could never forgive myself for it. But Jacob was able to make you smile, and treat you well. He was there for you when I was not." He paused. "I will be eternally thankful to that boy for many reasons. He saved your life quite a few times." He chuckled without humor. "I _did _tell you that you were quite the danger magnet."

I raised my eyebrows. "So Jacob was . . . human?"

Edward laughed.

"I'll take that as a no."

"He was a wolf, actually." Edward made a face. "_Is_ a wolf . . . as far as I know, anyway."

My eyes widened. "A wolf?" I blurted. "As in a _were_wolf?"

"You're a vampire and are shocked to hear of the existence of werewolves?"

I blinked. "Well, not when you put it that way . . ."

"I was not kidding when I told you that you attracted danger," he explained. "While I was away, Victoria came back to Forks looking for you, in an attempt to avenge the death of James. Jacob's pack protected you until I returned, at which point . . ."

I smiled. "You guys banded together to defeat her and the newborns," I finished, and Edward looked a bit surprised. "Alice told me that story when I asked her about this very strange memory I had about hiding in a tent."

Edward nodded, smiling at some sort of inside joke.

"So, what made you come back?" I asked.

Edward smirked a little and kissed my hand. "That is a story for another time."

"Oh, that's not fair!" I glared as menacingly as I could.

He sighed. "It's not the most pleasant story, Bella, and I think I've said enough for today."

"But what happened between me and Jacob?"

He looked down at our hands again. "You had to make a choice," he replied. "I told you that you could be with Jacob, that you deserved to have a normal life, and he could give it to you . . . for the most part. You would graduate college, go on to the career of your dreams. You and Jacob could be wed and grow old and have children, and grandchildren, and so on. You could keep your relationship with Charlie. You would _live. _ I nearly wanted you to choose him, for the sake of your safety. I told you that you could have whatever part of me you wanted, and leave what you didn't."

"And I chose all of you. Over all of that, I chose you."

He grinned, still looking down. "Yes, by some miracle, you decided that you wanted to remain with me," he explained. "You said that you loved me more than him. That you _needed _me. You would not be able to be without me again. No matter what it cost you." Instantly, his grin disappeared. "And you chose death over a life with Jacob."

"I love you, Edward," I said quietly. "I love you more than anything else in the world. You are worth so much more than a stupid degree or a real career. And, besides, I could hardly take care of two goldfish when I was human. Do you honestly think I could take care of a _child?_" I saw the smile appear on his face again. "You mean more than anything to me, Edward. How could I choose to live if it meant losing _you?_"

Edward smiled and took me into his arms again. I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, holding each other, our skin glowing like two diamonds in the sunlight. It was so strange, feeling so much for someone that I no longer knew. Seeing a face in my mind and feeling a dozen emotions that I did not remember feeling. It was the strangest thing in the world. Every time that I thought about Jacob Black, I was consumed by pain and love that I did not truly understand, even now that I knew his story.

I still had so many questions. What was he like? How did he make me smile? What about him made me fall in love? What is the deal about werewolves, anyway? And I didn't just want to know. I didn't just want explanations. I wanted to _remember._

"I know what you mean," I said, my head still resting against Edward's chest. "I understand now about the pain. I can see why my mind blocked it out."

Edward only kissed my hair.

"I miss him," I whispered. "I miss him so terribly, more than I can even explain, and I barely remember who he is."

Edward's hands rubbed my back as I snuggled further into his chest. I tried to escape the images that were burned into my mind. Jacob smiling. Jacob laughing. The two of us holding hands on the beach. The two of us smiling in a movie theater. _My Jacob_. I squinted my eyes as if to make the pictures disappear, but to no avail.

Now that I wanted to, I could _not_ forget Jacob Black.

Before I knew it, my body was shaking in a fit of tearless sobs as I cried for the boy that I had once loved, and for the beautiful life I had left behind.

And the sun in front of us rose into the clouds.

_But I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_


End file.
